Tonight, finally! A new live show! “Food is already smart…” On tonight’s all-new live show…Don’t lie to me and tell me that my food is “smart” or “enhanced” or a “better choice”, that’s all just Foodiness, and I KNOW what real looks like, tastes like, and smells like, and it doesn’t look like that stuff.

And I know how to COOK it, despite a childhood filled with James T. Kirk, 2001 and the Flintstones (remember Gazoo?) predicting pellets, pills and simulators. Sci-Fi may have told us that science and technology would bring us better, enhanced, smarter food in the future, but the future is now, and I’m not seeing all that much that impresses me. In fact, Foodiness seems to be the direct descendent of Soylent Green, and we know how that all turned out.┬áThank Jeezus I watched more “Little House” than “Battlestar Galactica”…I’d rather eat dinner with Laura and kiss-ass Mary, than with James T. and Scotty. Well, I’d rather eat their food, actually, the rest of the night might be more fun with the Enterprise gang….Anyway, my food is already smart, ‘cuz it’s REAL. So screw you Foodiness!

Also, a word or two about poop.