Archive for December, 2014

2015, sounds like the future, right? Well you know the saying, the more things change.. only this year, things really have changed. Some for good, some for bad, some for weird, and in the world of food we’ve seen some stuff too. Profits are down at McDonalds and General Mills, at General Mills, down by 37%! Mostly due to people not eating as much cereal anymore, which is awesome and which I’d like to take personal responsibility for, of course.

Unfortunately, they’re switching from cereal to things like pre-made frozen, or fast-food breakfast sandwiches, and oreo-flavored hyper-sweetened yogurt. But if it means a drop in cereal profits, then I can celebrate it. And Unilever has dropped their lawsuit against the artisanal mayonnaise company called Just Mayo, turns out that the word mayo doesn’t belong just to them, and their Hellman’s chokehold on the world. Ha Ha Unilever. And even McDonald’s CEO is owning up and saying that they really need to take more responsibility in what they serve America’s obese, french fry stuffing masses. I just saw an ad last night for happy meals that now include a little Clementine orange instead of a sugary dessert. I wonder how many will wind up in the trash, but it’s a start. They’re called Cuties, and while the idea of branded fruit bothers me a lot, I can only fight so many battles, and if it means that the proto-obese toddlers are eating a Clementine instead of a cookie, I guess that’s a start. Now what to do about those f*cking nuggets?

Today, on an all-new Let’s Get Real…”I have a bone to pick with you”…Why would anyone throw away their turkey carcass? Bones are culinary gold, basically a free bonus with purchase, an extra hidden meal, inside the meal. Like a big, bony prize at the bottom of your crackerjacks box, but way better! Generally speaking, the bones and shells of animals have more flavor than the animals themselves! That’s why I have little crumpled bags and random containers of shrimp shells and chicken backs and duck necks crowding my freezer, that’s where the flavor its. I hoard them, because as a chef, that’s where the real value of a food comes from, the flavor and versatility of the bones and shells. That’s REAL. It doesn’t get any more real and anti-foodiness than cooking bones, does it? I mean, have you ever seen ANY Foodiness™ products based on the eating or cooking of bones? The only Foodiness™ bones I can think of are for pets, like bone-shaped doggie biscuits. But ask any dog what he’d prefer, and I’m sure a bloody, greasy steer tibia is WAY tastier than a green Milk-Bone. But as for Foodiness™ bone snacks for people? They’re coming, oh yes, I’m sure they’re coming.

I suppose some of those “calcium-added” products out there, have been pumped up with bone meal, or calcium extracted from bones, but I’ve yet to see anything like “New, One-a-Day Crunchy Bone Vita-Chips for Women! A fun, caveman-like way to get your calcium on, now in pumpkin-spice flavor” You can channel your inner Pebbles Flintstone! But I’m sure it’s coming too…maybe a variety pack with different little bone shapes, even, like little femurs and ribs and vertebrae? Like when I was little and took Flintstones chewable vitamins, I always wanted the Dino ones first, because they were purple and tasted the best. I never liked eating the Fred’s. Who wants to eat Fred?

So join me today, for a trip down the Foodiness™ rabbit-hole to the bone-yard, to talk turkey (carcasses) Paleo, and hipster broths.