So you listened to my Thanksgiving show — Thanksgiving Is Fake Enough Without Eating Tofu Turkey – and you decided to stuff yourself with real food over the holiday: you gorged on gobs of real gravy your grandmother taught you to how to make (before you put her in the nursing home); mashed potatoes (made out of potatoes) your common law husband learned how to make from YouTube videos uploaded by wannabe famous-chefs; and you ate the entire pumpkin pie your neighbor from Texas made from scratch – in the middle of the night (only you don’t really remember because of the Ambien).
Now you’re afraid you’re going to regain that 5 pounds you lost after you decided to spend less time Facebooking about jogging and actually jogging instead. Suddenly, those pumpkin-pie flavored fat-free yogurts Sally in accounting stocked the office fridge with are looking mighty tempting…never mind that Sally weighs 225 pounds.
But now is not the time to fall off the Let’s Get Real wagon and into the fat-free dessert-flavored “yogurt” rabbit hole again with all the wrong kind of people! …especially considering that when Let’s Get Real makes it big you want to be the one bragging to your friends that you were on board before it was a big hit, like voting for Obama in the early ’08 primaries, eating macaroni and cheese before it was a “comfort food”, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race in the first season, or moving to Brooklyn…before “hipster” was even a word!
So let me just do you a favor and refresh your memory that You Can’t Have Your Cheesecake Flavored Yogurt And Eat It Too.
Tonight I get real (one more time) about what foodiness™ has done to yogurt; how Oreo, key lime pie, M & M and red velvet cake flavored yogurt have given people the impression that they can eat cookies, candy and dessert and still be eating yogurt; how real yogurt made from milk and live cultures is to 70s era, all-American Olympian decathlete Bruce Jenner as fat free, sugar free, red velvet cake flavored foodiness™ “yogurt” is to 2012-era, face-lifted, reality-show Bruce Jenner; how to get real, which is to stay away from yogurts that have pictures of dessert, candy or cereal on them and to go for yogurts that say, “organic”, “grass-fed”, or “Greek”; and how if you want to eat cheesecake flavored yogurt for lunch, eat cheesecake – at least you’ll know what you’re eating…and that you’re a 35 year old jr. partner at a law firm making 200 grand a year eating cake for lunch.
Now go “like” this update on Let’s Get Real Facebook page and go jog off those real-pumpkin pie pounds… before you wind up looking like Sally.