Archive for February, 2015

Episode: 121

Eat Some Dirt America!


Remember the episode of Seinfeld about Bizarro world? The world in which everything was the opposite of what it seemed to be? It was a Superman reference, as Jerry Seinfeld is a big Superman fan, and there was a DC comic about Bizarro, Superman’s opposite. (Thanks, Wikipedia, I had no idea…) But in this particular Seinfeld episode, I think it came up because George decided that since everything he’d done up until that point in his life had been wrong, or a mistake, he was now going to do the opposite of every urge, instinct or thought that came into his head. No trusting of the gut; in Bizarro world, up was down, night was day, ketchup was salsa…no, that’s not right, that was a different episode. He even orders chicken salad instead of his usual tuna at the diner. And George Costanza was a great creature of habit, so things must have been really Bizarro for him to do that.

I used to make Seinfeld references all the time when I taught at the big unnamed Culinary School. For the first decade, my students got all the references, and laughed with me, but then the laughs and looks of recognition started to trickle off, as the students got younger and I got older. Nobody got my references anymore. So sad. I was living in my own private Bizarro world. Where I assumed everybody else had seen every episode multiple times and knew all the jokes, but no, they hadn’t. It was disturbing. I’d entered “the world in which everything you think is right, is wrong”

I was speaking a dead language, like Cornish, or Manx, (technically those are not dead languages, just obscure ones, people do still speak Cornish and Manx, Google it) I was in Bizarro world, the world in which everything you think is right, is wrong. It really rocks the ground upon which you stand.

Or…is it that everything that you’ve been TOLD to think is right, is wrong? How can that be? If we’re TOLD things by people, who we are TOLD know the things that are right, how can those things turn out to be wrong? OMG, it really IS Bizarro world out there. But luckily, down here in the Foodiness™ Fallout Shelter, things are safe, and simple, warm, and cozy. So come on down and visit for a spell, and I’ll ease your fears and serve you soup and everything will be ok. For now.

Episode: 120

Forget the quinoa, I’m eating a bowl of pebbles every morning from now on


Eat any rocks lately? Crunch on any stones, munch a bowl of pebbles? (other than Fruity or Coco) No? Probably ’cause we don’t really eat rocks…we aren’t birds, with their gizzards or crops, and we don’t need to eat rocks like they do. ‘Cept salt, of course, the only “rock” that we eat. We can’t survive without that rock, thank god, because food without salt tastes like…rocks. Or maybe air. 

But sometimes stones, rocks, pebbles, they sneak in. They find their way into our food, our bodies, our beings, and not in good ways. Not in healthy mineral-rich ways, more like in majorly disruptive ways. Stupid rocks. Always getting in way, messing up my plans…Intrigued?Listen to today’s show to find out what happened when I ignored the stony signs.

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