Archive for October, 2012

Episode: Reminder—Episode 31

Ignorance Is Bliss…Until You Get Diabetes


Organic produce isn’t really organic. Italian olive oil is neither Italian nor made from olives. Radiation from Fukushima has f*ed up Wild Alaskan salmon. Water is already smart, but not if they frak it up.

Nobody understands better than I do that, when it comes to food, ignorance is bliss. Just one little thing: it’s only blissful until you get diabetes. Then it’s needle time, not to mention becoming the wrong kind of statistic, if you know what I mean.

So in tonight’s refresher course – Ignorance Is Bliss…Until You Get Diabetes – I get real again about the fact that getting real about food is not blissful; how living in a world where you just choose between the red and purple zero-calorie sports drink; the veggie puffs and the protein bar; or the salmon and the tuna feels blissful…until you get cancer, mercury poisoning, heart disease and/or diabetes; how opening up the menu and having to choose between the industrially raised corn-fed steak full of hormones and the industrially raised corn-fed chicken full of hormones can cause food-paralysis and First World eating disorders like Orthorexia (or fear of eating non-healthy foods), when the reality is that people in sub-Saharan Africa aren’t tortured over the fact that the grain of rice that just came off the U.N. plane has a big carbon footprint and is covered in pesticide residue; and how to accept the cold-hard realities of no longer being ignorant, which is to realize that at least you’re thin and can feel superior to people who don’t know any better.

And if you’ve learned anything from listening to Let’s Get Real, it’s that the only thing that tastes better than being thin is feeling superior to people who don’t know any better. Knowing too much about food takes care of both! So tune in!

Episode: 46

If Diets Worked Kirstie Alley Would Stay Thin


In tonight’s episode – If Diets Worked Kirstie Alley Would Stay Thin – Chef Wides gets real with special guest Kristin Wartman about foodiness diets; how foodiness is what is making us fat (and stupid) in the first place, and products like Isagenix, Nutrisystem and Sensa are just foodiness solutions to foodiness-made problems; how, with ingredients like artificial sweeteners, yellow #5, stimulants and polysorbate 80, foodiness diets are about as real (and good for your health) as Nicole Richie’s reality show about her QVC fashion line; how, if they worked, celebrity endorsers like Kristie Allie and Jessica Simpson would stay thin; and how if we just ate real food we’d lose weight…and probably be smart enough to realize we shouldn’t be listening to Jessica Simpson.

Episode: 45

Coffee Aroma From the Can Is As Natural As New-Car Smell


In tonight’s episode – Coffee Aroma From the Can Is As Natural As New-Car Smell – I get real about foodiness illusions; how the aroma of OJ in your OJ is an injected OJ fragrance, the scent of coffee out of the can comes from a coffee-smell spray, and your hamburger was gassed to look red, so you can’t even trust your senses when it comes to foodiness; how the food technologists behind these illusions are about as trustworthy and truthful as scientologists, and you have to drink the Kool-Aid to be either; and how you can trust real food – that is, as long as it hasn’t been f*ed with, but since it’s all been f*ed with, you’re going to have to grow your own, or not eat anything…but at least you’ll be thin. And not a chump.

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