It’s our 125th Episode!!! Yay!! And we look so good for 125…
So, in honor of this momentous, significant occasion, let’s go back to basics for this 125th Anniversary edition of LGR, as far back as we can go, back to the first food we all ever ate. I don’t mean cord blood, or amniotic fluid, which you just kind of inhaled involuntarily for those first 9 months. No, the one right after that. The first food. I’m talking milk, babies! Fresh Boob Juice, your first Lacta-ccino, the original sports drink.
Breast or bottle, human flesh or silicone, we all started life with a squishy nipple between our tiny pink gums. Milk. It’s really like the one and only food that we can all agree on worldwide, since we all start life with it. Except for Scientologists but I’ll get to those nut jobs later. Even if you were a bottle-fed formula baby, like me, since in the 1960’s all new moms were told that formula was better then breast, because…science. You still lived on liquids for at least the first 3 months, and hopefully a lot longer than that. And I think we can all agree that “mama milk”, as my niece called it as she nursed well into her third year of life, crushes soy-based formulas, no matter what.
Since the early days of LGR I’ve called baby formula the original Foodiness product, I mean, think about it. It’s a convenient, powdered soy milk-based, protein-enhanced, chemical and hype-filled powdered power drink. Sound familiar? And it’s marketed directly to the most vulnerable, tired, moody and confused consumers; the guileless, clueless, innocent newborn baby. Those poor kids haven’t even focused their glassy blue eyes enough to read the fine print yet, and they’re bombarded with Foodiness propaganda right and left of the crib to get them to slurp down bottles of formula, with promises of added AHA and DHA, probiotics, calcium, protein, and caffeine. Not really, just making sure you’re paying attention. Those tiny tots can’t even push their little carts down the store aisle by themselves yet, and they’re already a target market. Getting endless email offers and Facebook popups on their tiny phones, extolling the virtues of formula. Those poor wee bairns, 3 weeks old and already a consumer. Should have tried harder to nurse, baby…all you’d have to do is lie there and suck. Should have thought about that when you turned your head away from your poor mommy’s swollen, leaky boobs. It’s formula time for you, now, babe. It’s the Foodiness gateway drug.
Too bad those teeny shoppers can’t just pop down to the pharmacy and get a bottle of actual human breast milk. Or wait, can they?
You’ll find out on today’s anniversary epsiode of “Let’s Get Real”