In tonight’s episode – Thanksgiving Is Fake Enough Without Eating Tofu Turkey – I get real about what foodiness™ has done to Thanksgiving; how Thanksgiving is the one holiday that is totally defined by food (and genocide) and that’s what we used to eat, ie. turkeys that grew up on farms, mashed potatoes that started out in a garden, cranberries that came off a bush, and all prepared by grandma (before she got put into a nursing home); how foodiness™ has since fractured what we eat into manufactured dopplegangers and given us identities based on what we eat (when we should just be eating food and basing our identities on what we watch on TV); what we’re eating – ie. Tea Partiers (hormonal, antibiotic filled turkeys from manufacturing plants, microwavable pre-mashed potatoes), real food elites (turkeys from their back yard, 25 dollar a pound artisanal mashed potatoes), “Mommies” (little Lexi and Zack will only eat organic, whole grain, cranberry flavored Pop Tarts), gay parents (see “Mommies”), old school gays (martinis, cigarettes), foodies (the latest turkey ramen from David Chang which they Facebook and Yelp review), vegans (tofu turkey, soymilk pumpkin “cheesecake”), and Orthorexics (a little popcorn, a glass of wine and some Maude); and how, even though traditional Thanksgiving has changed, at least we can still count on grandma going into a nursing home.
