As you all know by now, I have been on a nationwide rampage recently reeducating the public about the difference between food and foodiness, all the way from the mobility scooter-driving set on Dr. Oz to the Facebooking-about-sustainable-farming set at my TEDx talk in Berkeley. The point is that deprogramming and reeducating the public that I am the Jon Stewart of food – I mean, that we should all be eating food and not foodiness – is a full time job. After all, you people are inundated with foodiness propaganda all day — which, as you’ve learned by now, is the wrong kind of propaganda.
So in tonight’s continuing reeducation course – Welcome to Foodiness™ Reeducation Camp, Part 2 – I get real again about deprogramming listeners from the cult of foodiness™; about how most people wouldn’t know what to do with raw, live food found in the ground, on a field or in the water (not foodiness™ that tastes like cookies with pictures of food on the bag) any more than they’d know how make friends and flirt at a party without a device – and it’s hard to say which one is more disturbing; how, if they were starving enough, they surely would figure out a way to kill a rabbit, figure out which parts of an artichoke are edible, and if that’s a toxic industrial berry or a wild blueberry, just like they probably could socialize at a party without social media – if they were drunk enough; and how exposure to real food at its source reveals the dirty truth that eating real food doesn’t make you elite – it just makes you not an idiot – but it does make you the right kind of people; and, like the pill Keanu Reeves takes in the Matrix, eating real food can transport you back into the realm of the real, where the food is incredible, the parties are even better, and people don’t meet online, but, rather, drunk at bars like God intended.
Given that it’s about to be swimsuit season and that we’re all going to be inundated with propaganda about foodiness products that taste like strawberry cheese cake or lemon ice tea but with Kim Jong Il-style modifiers like “Zero”, “Lite” and “Healthy Choice,” next week I’ll be reeducating you about the people’s paradise of diet foodiness. So if you don’t want eat shit and you do want to be inundated with the right kind of propaganda, tune in!