Archive for September, 2012

Episode: Reminder—Episode 3

Reminder: Strawberries in Winter = The Taste of Disappointment


It’s true, it’s true that a strawberry – even one toxic with pesticides – is better than a strawberry flavored gummy; a strawberry flavored protein shake; or a strawberry breakfast bar. You’ve been listening to Let’s Get Real and you get that now. And getting that is all the difference between the real food eating “us” and the foodiness™ eating “them”…and you know who “them” are — they’re the ones treating Ground Zero like it’s an M & M themed ride at Disney. After all, “we” know not to drink slurpees at all, much less walk around memorials with them while little Travis, Tiff’anee, Britney and Billy Bob treat the reflecting pool like it’s a waterpark ride.

Just like “we” know we are not supposed to be eating at memorials at all, we also know we’re not supposed to be eating strawberries in September.  The fact is that you’re about to be faced with the cold, hard realities of out-of-season fruit and vegetables. I think it’s time to prepare you for life’s little disappointments in the realm of real food, and the temptations that come with the grocery store produce aisle where it’s eternal summer (and where they hired that hot stock boy!).

So straight out of the Let’s Get Real vault comes tonight’s reminder (not rerun) that Strawberries in Winter = The Taste of Disappointment. In tonight’s “reminder” I will get real about how foodiness has created the illusion of fruits and vegetables that are always in season; why anyone should care about eating fruits and vegetables that are in season (because they taste like sh*t when they’re not); how expecting an average American to only eat seasonal food is totally unrealistic; and how anyone anywhere can realistically begin to introduce seasonality into their diets.

And if you can remember not to wear white after Labor Day – and to not spill cheese fries on the names at the National September 11th Memorial – then you can remember that pears and apples are coming in season and strawberries and blueberries are out. There, I said it.

Episode: Reminder—Episode 20

One More Time!… Feed Kids Cheese, Not String


I was reading your “mommy” blog over the weekend – after all, someone’s got to – and I saw you, daddy, and little Lexi and Hampton are headed off to Africa to adopt little ‘//Hui !Gaeb’ – and I totally agree that “Britney” is a much more interesting name. As I was looking through the fascinating pics of what you’re packing I noticed what you are bringing on the plane for Lexi and Hampton to eat and to feed ‘//Hui !Gaeb’ – I mean, “Britney” – on the way back: gummy vitamins, whole grain goldfish, organic pop tarts, strawberry flavored Go-Gurts and juice boxes.

I’m not sure little //Hui !Gaeb’ will think that sh*t is food. After all, even the U.N. planes bring her rice and water.

So in tonight’s episode – Feed Kids Cheese, Not String – you make me get real again about kid’s foodiness: how kid’s foodiness products like cheese string, organic chicken “nuggets”and juice boxes are worse than what we feed our pets; how being raised on foodiness is like being born in the rabbit hole because kids will never know what real food is in the first place; how being born in the foodiness labyrinth of the rabbit hole leads directly to other labyrinths like chronic illnesses, behavioral disorders, dependence on pharmaceuticals, and wanting to be on reality shows; and how to realistically only feed your kids real food.

Oh, and heads up: I just read that Inuits are the next hot babies to adopt.

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