Archive for 2012

Episode: 43

The I Told You Show

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In tonight’s very special first anniversary episode – The I Told You Show – I get real about being right. Going over all the news reports, studies and editorials on food – that with all the updating, connecting, “friending”, linking in, Pinteresting, Instagraming and Tweeting you have to do and therefore don’t have time to read or watch – I will show you that I was right all along that:

  • Performance doesn’t come in bar form (but sports drinks do lead to sexting)
  • Cher isn’t supposed to go bad, but food is
  • We should believe in butter … even Dr. Weil thinks so (but we’re not sure about believing in his beard)
  • Armageddon’s coming, and though you’ve made time to learn how to skateboard (at 46) you haven’t even bought one box of Raisin Bra
  • And it’s a big, big potato-people world after all (and don’t pretend you don’t know whom we’re talking about!)

Special appearances by little Lexi and Hampton who just came home from ADHD palate disorder camp, and morbidly obese Alice texting in from the foodiness rabbit hole.

Episode: 42

Freedom Fries Ain’t Free

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In tonight’s episode of Let’s Get RealFreedom Fries Ain’t Free – I get real about how war created foodiness™; how foodiness™ created a nation of obese SUV driving potato people, who then needed oil for their SUVs (and now for their mobility scooters), and who now can’t pass the army physical fitness test because they’re too fat to fight. Hopefully the gays can make up for that. But the point is tonight we have special guest First Gulf War veteran Corporate Chad Pagano to take us down the foodiness™ foxhole full of M.R.E.’s and, now, Marys.

Episode: Reminder—Episode 3

Reminder: Strawberries in Winter = The Taste of Disappointment

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It’s true, it’s true that a strawberry – even one toxic with pesticides – is better than a strawberry flavored gummy; a strawberry flavored protein shake; or a strawberry breakfast bar. You’ve been listening to Let’s Get Real and you get that now. And getting that is all the difference between the real food eating “us” and the foodiness™ eating “them”…and you know who “them” are — they’re the ones treating Ground Zero like it’s an M & M themed ride at Disney. After all, “we” know not to drink slurpees at all, much less walk around memorials with them while little Travis, Tiff’anee, Britney and Billy Bob treat the reflecting pool like it’s a waterpark ride.

Just like “we” know we are not supposed to be eating at memorials at all, we also know we’re not supposed to be eating strawberries in September.  The fact is that you’re about to be faced with the cold, hard realities of out-of-season fruit and vegetables. I think it’s time to prepare you for life’s little disappointments in the realm of real food, and the temptations that come with the grocery store produce aisle where it’s eternal summer (and where they hired that hot stock boy!).

So straight out of the Let’s Get Real vault comes tonight’s reminder (not rerun) that Strawberries in Winter = The Taste of Disappointment. In tonight’s “reminder” I will get real about how foodiness has created the illusion of fruits and vegetables that are always in season; why anyone should care about eating fruits and vegetables that are in season (because they taste like sh*t when they’re not); how expecting an average American to only eat seasonal food is totally unrealistic; and how anyone anywhere can realistically begin to introduce seasonality into their diets.

And if you can remember not to wear white after Labor Day – and to not spill cheese fries on the names at the National September 11th Memorial – then you can remember that pears and apples are coming in season and strawberries and blueberries are out. There, I said it.

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