Archive for 2013

Episode: 67

Snapple Is To Tea What BP Is To The Gulf

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In tonight’s episode – Snapple Is To Tea What BP Is To The Gulf – I get real about what foodiness has done to tea; how, like liquor and coffee, tea was once an acquired taste for adults, and how, also like booze and coffee, tea has been candified and flavorized and diet-ized and infantilized and turned into tea-flavored Kool-Aid; how adding 10 thousand grams of sugar and artificial flavors, colors and sweeteners to tea and packaging it as healthier than soda is like polluting the Gulf with 10 billion tons of oil and then claiming its gone just because you can’t see it anymore; and how, if you’re going to drink real tea buy tea leaves or tea bags and boil it at home like an adult, otherwise go ahead and drink Kool-Aid. You can always say you’re being ironic.

So if you don’t want to drink sh*t and you don’t want to be the kind of person who doesn’t know the difference between real tea and Kool-Aid flavored “tea”, tune in!

Episode: 66

If You’re Drinking Girl-Scout Cookie Flavored Coffee, It’s Time For Serious Self-Examination

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In tonight’s episode – If You’re Drinking Girl-Scout Cookie Flavored Coffee, It’s Time For Serious Self-Examination – I get real about what foodiness has done to coffee; how, like liquor, coffee was once an acquired taste for adults, and how, also like booze, it’s been candified and infantilized and turned into anytime desert; how wiping out unflavored coffee altogether and replacing it with pumpkin pie, caramelized bacon and now even artificially-flavored Girl Scout Cookie flavored coffee is like replacing jazz with gangsta rap in the remake of The Great Gatsby – the point is to erase the real thing altogether so our only choice is the fake doppleganger; and how, if you’re going to eat Girl Scout Cookies, eat Girl Scout Cookies, otherwise order your coffee black like an adult (unless you’ve had teeth whitening, in which case it’s okay to order it light).

So if you want to eat food and drink coffee like an adult and not sip on 10,000 calorie coffee flavored like artificially flavored girl scout cookies and you want to be the right kind of people, tune in!

Episode: Reminder—Episode 41

Tonight’s Leftover Episode From Last Summer –
Friends Don’t Let Friends Grill Tofu Hotdogs

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Here we are at the beginning of summer! ‘tis the season of grilling and barbequing…and, of course, feeling superior for knowing what to grill and barbeque (grass fed burgers, pastured chicken) and what not to (corn-fed hamburgers, hormone filled industrial chicken). But let’s get real – not everybody is as astute about real food and foodiness as you, my dear listeners are. And, unfortunately, you can’t expect every friend will know to serve pastured deviled eggs and artisanal hotdogs.

Which poses a problem: you want to be the right kind of “us”, but you don’t want to be the “them” who turns down a non-artisanal hotdog your best friend’s boyfriend brought to you on a paper plate. What do you do?

So in tonight’s leftover episode from last summer – Friends Don’t Let Friends Grill Tofu Hotdogs – I get real about what foodiness has done to complicate summer barbeques; that you now know too much to serve tofu burgers, soy chips and strawberry-flavored vitamin water, but if you do your friends will think you’re “healthy”; that if you serve up classic American junk food like corn-fed industrial hamburgers, potato chips and Budweiser you’ll have fun, but your friends will think you don’t know any better; that if you have a real food extravaganza of grilled, pastured, farm raised hens and local, grass fed burgers and artisanal beer you’ll make a statement that you are better than people who don’t know better, but you won’t have any fun, or any friends; and that your options are to either serve junk food, but leave out a Whole Foods bag so everyone thinks it’s real, serve real food but balance it off with Puerto Rican rum and Kool-Aid, or just let the Orthorexia win and don’t eat anything…because nothing tastes as good as being superior.

Oh, and it is okay to decline a tofu hotdog. The question is, rather, why are you friends with someone who would serve a tofu hotdog?

So if you want to be the right kind of “us” and still have friends and not wind up at parties catered by Organic Avenue, tune in!!

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