What I’m talking about this week, is Valentines Day. Of course, how could I not? It’s this Friday, and I can’t pass up a Foodiness™ holiday when one comes around, although Foodiness™, in its truest and purest form has no place in the celebration of Valentines day. If your sweetie is giving you Foodiness™ for Valentines Day, like fiber-added high-protein vegan-chocolate truffles or sugar-free red-velvet flavored gluten-free chia cupcakes, then I’d re-evaluate that relationship. Get back on OK Cupid and start shopping around again. Valentines day is about pure, sweet, real-food, non-foodiness sugar. Like, for example, really good chocolate, preferably above 80% cacao, or pink-grapefruit flavored jelly beans for your favorite radio host. Just an example, I’m here to help.

Valentine’s day isn’t the day to worry about the sugar, because technically, it’s one of the few days a year when you should be eating a big pile of sugar. Valentine’s day, maybe Easter, Halloween, Christmas. Not every day, as in; not in a big crunchy bowl at breakfast, not in a bottle of blue-flavored so-called sports drinks. not in a 32 oz Birthday-Flavored coffee-frappachoochoo every afternoon. A few days a year for holidays. And one day a year, to show your love to your love, you give them a special treat. Some nice handmade chocolates in a heart shaped box, a bunch of pink and orange tulips, a new pair of Sorel boots maybe, that’d be nice. Just an example.

Or maybe some homemade chocolate chip cookies? What? No, not from the refrigerated dough aisle at the supermarket, that’s not technically “baking cookies”. Baking involves mixing, and measuring, and time and patience. You’ll have to actually purchase butter and flour and sugar and eggs and chocolate chips. Sorry, love is work, and if you really mean it, you’ll do the work. And once you make that dough, I don’t want to see any raw cookie dough eating going on around here, you better bake that dough, people! Cookie dough is a substance in an intermediate state, it has to be baked to be made into cookies, since when did cookie dough become a distinct, separate food group? Or worse, an industrially produced, single note “flavor”?

I’ll be discussing that, too.

So in this episode, I hop on my new olympic bobsled and go flying down the Foodiness™ rabbit hole, stopping on the way to the bottom to pick up some heart-shaped, cookie-dough-filled donuts to hand out to all my loved ones around the fallout shelter. Because nothing says “I love you” like a sugary, kreamy-with-a-K treat, shaped like the very organ it will ultimately destroy. Because as the famous movie of the 70’s told us, “Love means never having to say I’m sorry I killed you”