A is for Apple, J is for Junk.

I was thinking about pears a lot this week, as I was writing my monthly articles for Numi, the Nutrisystem website, and one was all about pears. Yes, I write for Nutrisytem, and yes, they are all about real food and cooking and eating well so no judgy-ness please. Plus they pay me. Unlike some other major, huge websites…

Anyway, remember a few episodes ago, when I was talking about eggplant? And how eggplant seems to have escaped foodiness-ization? I mean, you never see eggplant flavored veggie puffs, or eggplant juicy drinks at Jamba, right? Well it occurred to me that pears are probably the least Foodiness-ized fruit. Does Jamba do any pear drinks? And other than baby food purees, and maybe a squeezy-fruit pouch blend, I can’t really think of any pear Foodiness out there. I’ve never seen pear-pie yogurt, or pear fruity-poofs snacks, or pear-flavored sports drinks or really pear flavored anything. Oh, except juicy-pear flavored #JellyBelly jelly beans, which aren’t Foodiness, they’re just candy, nobody is stupid enough to think there’s any fruit in them, are they? I mean, I LOVE Jelly Bellies, and I love pears, but I hate pear flavored Jelly Bellies. They taste like tannic, unripe Bartlett pears to me. Too green, too vegetal. All wrong. I do however love the pink grapefruit flavor…fyi. But pears seem to have evaded Foodiness-izing, so far. Kellogg’s hasn’t made a pear-flavored cereal yet, like Apple Jacks. Pear jacks? Forget it, nobody’d eat it. Pear and Oat-Nugget Crunch, Chex Juicy Pear Flavor? Honey Bunches of Pear Chips? Pear Bran? So far, we’re safe from that craptastic array. Maybe the pear has special protected status. Like the bald eagle, or the giant sequoia? Protected from all Foodiness forever by the endangered fruit species act of 1977?

Oh, and you know how they say most women are either apple or pear shaped? Like there’s nothing in-between that? Well, I suppose I’m a pear, which is a-ok by me, since I love pears. but back in the Jordache days of elementary school, we pears had few options when it came to jeans. It was so unfair, to be a pear, back then and there…

What does that actually have to do with pears, or food, or radio or anything? Well I can weave almost anything together into a good story, so check out this episode and find out.