But soft, what pinkish light through yonder window breaks? It is the sun, and Breast Cancer Awareness month is the east! Sorry Shakespeare….

So if we thought the Pumpocalypse was bad (listen to the show today to hear about that)…just wait, because here comes the PINKOPALYPSE.

Yes, it’s breast cancer awareness month, which apparently is necessary because there may be 5 people in America who aren’t aware of breast cancer, I guess. Because maybe they were born three hours ago or maybe they’ve all been in a coma since 1997 after eating contaminated candy corn in the great candy corn scare of ‘97?

Oh and that reminds me, my faithful superfan and sometime stalker, Erica Pilgram, sent me two pics of canned frosting she found in her Pittsburgh area Giant Eagle market, just to make me more insane than I already am. The first one was artificial Candy-Corn flavored canned frosting, and the other?… artificial Maple-Bacon flavored. Canned. Frosting. Artificially flavored.

Seriously? In this great agricultural nation, with so much natural bounty and abundant farming, wouldn’t you think that they could have at least used REAL candy corn to flavor that first one…I mean, with all the corn grown in the USA, artificial candy-corn flavor? No comment.

But back to what pinkish light through yonder window breaks…yes, in case you weren’t aware, or have been in some kind of Kimmy Schmidt-type bunker cult for a decade, the pinkwashed, pinkopalype is HERE. And oh no, it’s not just the little ribbons anymore. It’s the breast-cancer industrial complex total takeover of the month of October.

Including…pink ribbon-shaped DONUTS. In case the other shaped and colored donuts didn’t contribute to your breast cancer, you can now nail your own coffin shut with these, and help your own cause at the same time! America is AWESOME.