FLOG: The Foodiness Blog

On today’s episode of Let’s Get Real, “Old Fruit is Better Than No Fruit”, I introduce you all to my wonderful and crazy friend Ida. She loves a good thrifty bargain as much as I do, and we are two discount peas-in-a-pod, so to speak. We hang out a lot, and so on this week’s show, Ida and I take an Indiana Jones-style trip down the supermarket Foodiness rabbit hole, to search for some real food in the fluorescent, chilled-air sterility of the American Supermarket. She’s just looking for food, and I’m just looking out for Foodiness.

It’s unbelievable how much Foodiness you have to dig through, just to find some real food in that mega-mart, and Ida’s an old-school lady, she just wants her lentils and flour. But where are they? Behind the blue velvet cake mix? The gluten-free pink-flavored water?

So meet us at the checkout line in 20 minutes, ok? We’ll be done shopping (if I can find her in this gigantic store) and then we’ll hit the thrift shops in town looking for old Pyrex and gingham shirts to share. That’s all on this episode of Let’s Get Real.

On today’s episode of Let’s Get Real, “And Mel Says, It’s Because You’re Slow as Poop!” I get a little bit “earthy”, if you know what I mean. No? Do I have to spell it out for you? P.O.O.P. It’s a show about poop, ok? Specifically, my own superhuman, olympic-level skill set, and how I got there. Too much sharing? Well it’s only because I care…

Sorry, am I making you a little queasy? It’s not exactly a tasteful subject, but as I always say in each episode, and in fact the tagline for this very radio show, about to mark it’s 100th episode, is “if you don’t want to eat sh*t”. But we never discuss what happens after you eat anything, shit or otherwise. I mean, we all know what “happens” after you eat, we learned that in kindergarten, at least we did back when you could teach actual science–now apparently the food angels just turn it into glitter and it floats out of your ears–but ironically, the more shit you eat, the worse shit you.. well, you know.

Also, we taste-test HolyCrapCereal, which is quite unusual for us here in the foodiness fallout shelter, since I generally reject all packaged foods. But these guys seem to have gotten it right, and they sent me some for free, so I ate it. And I announce our first-ever contest and giveaway, so that ought to be pretty exciting, too.

And then a little discussion about my cousin Robin, and her successful anti-Foodiness campaign, and oh yeah, some stuff about lentils, too. All in all, an excellent way to spend 30 minutes, so have yourself a listen, ok?

Know what I realized last week? It’s been a really long time since I’ve done a “Trending Now!” show, and so much crazy Foodiness news has happened and f’ed up Foodiness products have come down the pipeline lately that omg, a Trending Now show is way overdue!

Know what reminded me of this? Well, on Sunday, which I think may go down as the most beautiful day we’ve ever had here in the NY area, we went for a hike. Not unusual, we hike almost every weekend from May to October, and there we are hiking along, we did Mt. Taurus, near Cold Spring NY, in case you were wondering, and we’re passing everyone, of course. We’re pretty fast, and even me, with my under 5’ frame, can hustle up a mountain pretty quickly. I tend to be a little competitive… And as we’re booking it up the trail, passing people, I started to notice something. There were a lot of people out there on Sunday, because of the beautiful weather, and a lot of them weren’t really geared up for hiking, meaning they wore running shoes and workout kind of clothes, not hiking boots and breathable, spf and bug proof-Columbia head to toe. Like some of us…and I started to notice an awful lot of people carrying bottles of what I thought was Windex. Which is weird because there aren’t a lot of windows to wash on that particular mountain, but then I realized they were all carrying sports drinks, not water. Now this is a pretty puny mountain, and unless you’re RUNNING up it BACKWARDS with your two obese brothers on your back, you don’t need a sports drink to make it to the top. Plain old water is just fine.

And all this reminded me that Coke just announced they’d be removing the Brominated Vegetable Oil from their Power Ade products and what a relief that is! Now I can feel ok about drinking cornsyrup-nutrasweet-purple-flavored sh*t again, and I need to tell my listeners that they can too! So in this episode we talk sports drink Foodiness lies, Taco Bell’s fessing up about that mysterious 12%, and something called Chex Mix Muddy Buddy Puppy Chow? Which, having lived in a sheltered bubble (NYC) for the past 30 years, I seem to be ignorant of…