FLOG: The Foodiness Blog

Tonight, on “Let’s Get Real”….As Gilda Radner said, (as Rhonda Weiss of Rhonda and the Rhondettes)…”Research proves that men prefer thin girls with cancer, than healthy girls with chunky thighs” Hmmm, sounds like a fair deal to me, having been born to a tribe of chubster peasant-types, shaped like Bosc pears. And most cancer is curable now anyway, isn’t it??
I TRIED to live on diet soda, back in the 80’s, but it made me so darn sick, I had to switch to water and real food. So inconvenient…. So, if those are your choices, pack up your cooler and strap on your fanny pack. You’ll need to go far, far down the Foodiness rabbit hole, past the bottom, to a brand new place. A place I’ve never even mentioned before. Its beyond the River Sprite…, past the point of no 5-cent return, The 7-up’th circle of hell, where you’ll find Donald Rumsfeld waiting for you, with a tall, cold glass of poison in hand, sweetened with Splenda with Vitamins, and eternal thinness will finally be yours…Or, you can move to Utah. Listen to the episode to find out why…

Tonight, on “Let’s Get Real”…The staff of life, the breadwinner, our daily bread, my comPANion…bread is deep within us, it’s what made us, and our culture, way back when. Before my ancestors – and I don’t mean Jackie Mason and Dinah Shore – were fleeing from Egypt with those tasteless crackers and no butter for them, bread was being baked, by hand, from 2 ingredients: water and flour. And then, along came…Foodiness! And now, we have sandwich thins and ingredient lists with stuff that sounds like they belong in hair gel. Actually, hair gel might be better for you…Our bread has been candified, squishified, whitened and brightened, and made to taste like cake. If I want cake, I’ll eat cake. Let them eat bread, but only if it’s real bread, which doesn’t have anything in it that sounds like it belongs in a pharmaceutical. Otherwise, better off eating hair products.

In tonight’s episode – You’re Being Infantilized By Fiber Bars – I get real about foodiness infantilization; how pre-preparing everything we eat and feeding us cookies, candy and Kool-Aid packaged as healthy food enhanced with nutrition is turning us into permanently dependent children; why foodiness manufacturing wants to infantilize us – because it makes us completely dependent on foodiness and unable to see that fiber comes from vegetables, not chocolate chip flavored fiber bars; how using foodiness to turn us into children who believe anything we’re told turns us into gullable children in every other aspect of our lives (see adults fixated on how many “friends” they have; grownups dazzled by toys they can’t put down; the Real Housewives); and how to realistically grow the fu*k up across the board, which is just to eat real food.