In tonight’s very special rerun – Performance Doesn’t Come In Bar Form – I get real about the zero calorie, cherry-flavored, energy sports drinks I’ve seen you guzzling this summer, not to mention that s’more flavored protein bar I spotted you knocking down before spin class Saturday morning. You obviously need to repeat this course in Foodiness Reeducation Camp. So tonight, I get real – one more time – about fitness foodiness; how bars, drinks, powders, and supplements made with chemicals and artificial sweeteners and promising to deliver energy, build muscle, give strength, help with endurance, manage weight and make you lean don’t make you ripped – they just rip you off; how the flavoring – cookies, candy or Kool-Aid – is appropriate for toddlers, not triathletes; how fitness foodiness takes you so far down the rabbit hole that you wind up on the other end where there is no food at all – meanwhile exercising is when you need food the most; and how to realistically eat for peak performance, which is just to eat real food. …and don’t let me have to tell you again!
Archive for June, 2012
Episode: 36
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In tonight’s episode – Ketchup’s OK, It’s Finding Something To Put It On That’s The Problem – I get real about what foodiness has not done to condiments. Looking on the bright side for the first (and probably last) time I report that, indeed, Soylent Green is people (as well as capsules made in China), Kardashians are not people, but ketchup, mustard, mayo and salsa are still food; ketchup is pretty much still made out of tomatoes, vinegar, sugar, salt and spices and has not been replaced with a “red” flavored doppleganger (yet), and mustard is still made out of mustard seeds, vinegar, salt and white wine and has not been replaced with a “yellow” flavored doppleganger (yet) so, unlike beef, eggs, milk, olive oil, soy chips, protein bars, blueberries, smart water, vegetables, fruit, salmon, chicken and tuna you can actually eat them and finally feel safe.*
*Deli mustard colored with turmeric root can give you lead poisoning.
Episode: 35
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In tonight’s episode – Believe in Butter – I get real about what foodiness has done to butter; how the campaign to topple real butter and replace it with foodiness “butter” began, as it always does, by demonizing the sinfully delicious real thing in the same way religion demonized sex, drugs and rock n’ roll; how foodiness’ allegedly better early alternatives – margarine and its poor relative Crisco – made from toxic hydrogented vegetable oils turned out to be as sickening a replacement as virginity, sobriety, and Hannah Montana; how butter is fattening but it’s also good for the brain and if we ate more real butter and less fake “butter” we’d be smart enough to stop believing in fake alternatives across the board (see Facebook, reality shows, Mitt Romney); and how to realistically get real about butter, which is, when you can, to buy organic and / or grass fed…but even industrialized real butter is better than butter you shouldn’t “believe” in.