Okay okay okay, I get it. You’re busy. Little Lexi and Zack just turned 2; your diabetic mother just moved in; and you just made executive global vice president of international internal relations and marketing and, on top of everything, are in charge of your division’s Tweets. But this is the third time I’ve seen you marching down the street on the way to work eating a blueberry flaxseed organic milk and cereal breakfast bar with pictures of mountain tops and wheat fields and I’ve just had it. (And I don’t even want to speculate about the organic pop tarts you fed little Lexi and Zack before the nanny showed up!) Didn’t we have this discussion before? Didn’t I already intervene? Obviously I’m going to have to tell you twice: Eat Pizza For Breakfast, Not Pop-Tarts!
So here I go again: tonight I get real about what foodiness has done to breakfast; how sugary cereal, breakfast bars, pre-scrambled eggs, and instant-breakfast shakes have completely hijacked breakfast from real food; how foodiness has opportunistically stepped in to our busy-fied lives Tweeting, Texting and Tweaking with breakfast foods as fake as Kim Kardashian’s face; how eating foodiness for breakfast leads to things like Linking In with losers, and eating real food leads to realizing you don’t actually care about the baby pics your best friend from middle school posted on her Facebook page; and how to get real, which is to just eat a banana or a boiled egg (they don’t take any longer to unwrap than a breakfast bar)…or just eat food, because even leftover pizza is realer than Organic Pop-Tarts.