I was coming back from the farmer’s market this weekend with my locally grown, grass fed, $6.00 holistic, Dalai Lama approved pastured egg I was going to poach for breakfast while I churned my butter for the day and I saw you coming out of the grocery store with a bag full of smart chips, smart tofu dogs and smart water while you texted on your smart phone. And I thought, why would a listener of Let’s Get Real be such a chump? And then I realized: you’ve got guests coming over for the 4th and want to show them you’re “smarter” than people who eat potato chips and hot dogs and drink water out of the tap. You obviously slept through the Foodiness Reeducation class on “smart foods” and you’re forcing me to do another rerun!!
So, in tonight’s Foodiness Reeducation Re-do – Food is Already Smart – I get real yet again about “smart” foodiness products; how the use of the word “smart” on everything from chips and protein bars to water and sports drinks gives the impression that they’re better than junk food and have improved on real food; the reality that real food is already smart – tap water already has zero calories and oranges already have Vitamin C – and that “smart” foodiness makes you dumb (and a sucker); the fact that we can blame our gullibility to “smart” foodiness on Sci Fi which gave generations of kids the idea that food would be improved on in the future, when the fact is they’re just feeding us “smart” corn syrup; and how to realistically eat smart food, which is to just eat real food.
Now, go return all those “smart foods”, buy some plain old classic junk food for the 4th, and make your friends who show up with smart chips and smart water feel dumb for not knowing any better! That is, after all, what being smart is all about.
In tonight’s episode – Ketchup’s OK, It’s Finding Something To Put It On That’s The Problem – I get real about what foodiness has not done to condiments. Looking on the bright side for the first (and probably last) time I report that, indeed, Soylent Green is people (as well as capsules made in China), Kardashians are not people, but ketchup, mustard, mayo and salsa are still food; ketchup is pretty much still made out of tomatoes, vinegar, sugar, salt and spices and has not been replaced with a “red” flavored doppleganger (yet), and mustard is still made out of mustard seeds, vinegar, salt and white wine and has not been replaced with a “yellow” flavored doppleganger (yet) so, unlike beef, eggs, milk, olive oil, soy chips, protein bars, blueberries, smart water, vegetables, fruit, salmon, chicken and tuna you can actually eat them and finally feel safe.*