Listen people, I’m not going to lie: I’m too busy to do a new show this week! I have a TedX talk to give this Saturday … in Berkeley … not just about Foodiness™, but taking the real food movement to task for failing to communicate to the 99% non-food elite why they should care about where they food comes from or what’s in it or if it’s even food. Did I mention the talk is in Berkeley??? Let’s just say the pressure is on. But if you ever watched my human-mike speech at Occupy Big Food, you know I’m good when the pressure is on. Did I mention there was no mike? And that I could only speak a few words at a time and then the crowd had to repeat what I said? And that they had never heard of me or Foodiness™? Did I mention it was a huge hit? But this time I have to memorize a 12 minute talk. I don’t even know anyone’s phone number anymore, so let’s just say I’ve got work to do.

But, in light of the fact that I’m going to be reeducating the food elite about how the term Foodiness™ can save us from becoming the waddling potato-people depicted in Wall-E (never mind that it’s already happened), I thought we might revisit your own deprogramming tonight in Welcome to Foodiness Reeducation Camp, Part 1.

In it, I get real about deprograming listeners from the cult of Foodiness™; about how, whether they are the liberal elite who eat strawberry-flavored whole-grain milk and breakfast bars and gummy vitamins, or Tea-Partiers who eat Taco Bell frozen breakfast burritos and plastic chicken Subway sandwiches, they need to be reprogrammed how to eat real food, and to be in the cult of Let’s Get Real; about how reintroducing real food into their lives can be a gateway back into reality by helping the liberal elite face the fact that nobody cares about their updates, and adults shouldn’t need signs to tell them to look up from their phones when they walk through traffic, and helping the Tea Partiers realize that the Bill of Rights was not designed to protect their right to be poisoned by microwavable pizza and that being in a wheelchair because you can’t walk and riding in a motorized scooter because you won’t walk are not the same thing; and, ultimately, how attending Foodiness Reeducation Camp it isn’t just about relearning how to eat real food, but about being the right kind of “us”…  and starting a Facebook campaign to bring Let’s Get Real to Comedy Central.

I’ll be back at some point to do my upcoming show Cereal Is The Devil’s Work…that is, if they don’t put me in real-food jail after my talk, which is probably a chicken coop. But it doesn’t sound half-bad – I like eggs!