Ah Spring is here! For the Taco Bell eating “them” it’s always the drive-thru season, but for the real-food eating “us” it’s time for seasonal super foods! After all, we know better: we know to eat seasonal blueberries and seasonal wild salmon, not blu-berry flavored margaritas and fried shrimp-nuggets in a basket. And you feel so smug on the way to the farmer’s market to look for seasonal strawberries and asparagus and peas just knowing that you’re better than Walmartians driving their motorized scooters through the frozen glazed zero-calorie donut aisle.

…only one little thing: Super Foods Are Super F*ed Up.

So tonight I’m going to burst your bubble one more time about what Foodiness™ has done to “super foods”; how icons of power foods like olive oil, which is laced with chlorophyll, blueberries, which are toxic with pesticides, soy which give you man-boobs, and sardines which give you mercury poisoning have been knocked off their pedestals by corruption like John Edwards, Lance Armstrong and John Travolta; how finding out that all the foods that separate the soy and sardine-eating “us” from the 7-Eleven and cupcake eating “them” can actually be really bad for you is enough to make you reach for those Omega-3 enhanced Oreos and hope for the best; and how to realistically deal with the knowledge that sometimes there are no right choices when it comes to eating real food – which is to make others feel inferior for not knowing.

But listen, I’m saying you’re not better than people who don’t know better. Of course you are! You listen to Let’s Get Real: that automatically makes you better. After all, Kate Moss was wrong – the only thing that tastes better than being skinny is being superior. So tune in!

Super foods may be f*ed up, but “they” are even more f*ed up….