Archive for 2014

Let’s say some random afternoon you walked into the DMV (not the DMZ because if you walked into there you’d be shot), and the clerk who was “assisting” you with renewing your license, or taking the written test, or the road test or whatever, said “let me ask you a question, do you need to know how to drive to get a drivers license? I’m just wondering because I see all these people driving here, and doing stuff here with their cars, and it looks kind of fun, but I can’t drive. Is it mandatory?” Let’s just say that happened to you, just try to imagine it, now visualize your reaction, and that will get you ready for today’s show “New Bold Funfetti is Neither Funner nor Fettier… please discuss” In which I go deep into demented deception, classic cluelessness and food ignorance (fignorance?), via a strange conversation I had with an employee at my local YMCA. Live today at 1:00 pm on Heritage Radio Network.org or later today on letsgetrealshow.com

Oh and did I mention this is episode 99? Yeah baby! Like Barbara Feldon on Get Smart! Sorry, if you’re under 40, and have ever eaten Funfetti, that reference is probably lost on you. It’s ok, plenty of other fun stuff is relevant to you, you self-involved millennials…

On today’s episode of Let’s Get Real, “Old Fruit is Better Than No Fruit”, I introduce you all to my wonderful and crazy friend Ida. She loves a good thrifty bargain as much as I do, and we are two discount peas-in-a-pod, so to speak. We hang out a lot, and so on this week’s show, Ida and I take an Indiana Jones-style trip down the supermarket Foodiness rabbit hole, to search for some real food in the fluorescent, chilled-air sterility of the American Supermarket. She’s just looking for food, and I’m just looking out for Foodiness.

It’s unbelievable how much Foodiness you have to dig through, just to find some real food in that mega-mart, and Ida’s an old-school lady, she just wants her lentils and flour. But where are they? Behind the blue velvet cake mix? The gluten-free pink-flavored water?

So meet us at the checkout line in 20 minutes, ok? We’ll be done shopping (if I can find her in this gigantic store) and then we’ll hit the thrift shops in town looking for old Pyrex and gingham shirts to share. That’s all on this episode of Let’s Get Real.

On today’s episode of Let’s Get Real, “And Mel Says, It’s Because You’re Slow as Poop!” I get a little bit “earthy”, if you know what I mean. No? Do I have to spell it out for you? P.O.O.P. It’s a show about poop, ok? Specifically, my own superhuman, olympic-level skill set, and how I got there. Too much sharing? Well it’s only because I care…

Sorry, am I making you a little queasy? It’s not exactly a tasteful subject, but as I always say in each episode, and in fact the tagline for this very radio show, about to mark it’s 100th episode, is “if you don’t want to eat sh*t”. But we never discuss what happens after you eat anything, shit or otherwise. I mean, we all know what “happens” after you eat, we learned that in kindergarten, at least we did back when you could teach actual science–now apparently the food angels just turn it into glitter and it floats out of your ears–but ironically, the more shit you eat, the worse shit you.. well, you know.

Also, we taste-test HolyCrapCereal, which is quite unusual for us here in the foodiness fallout shelter, since I generally reject all packaged foods. But these guys seem to have gotten it right, and they sent me some for free, so I ate it. And I announce our first-ever contest and giveaway, so that ought to be pretty exciting, too.

And then a little discussion about my cousin Robin, and her successful anti-Foodiness campaign, and oh yeah, some stuff about lentils, too. All in all, an excellent way to spend 30 minutes, so have yourself a listen, ok?