FLOG: The Foodiness Blog

Episode: 48

That Bottle of Beaujolais Is Just Fermented Grapes, And Karl Rove Was Right About Ohio


In tonight’s episode – That Bottle of Beaujolais Is Just Fermented Grapes, And Karl Rove Was Right About Ohio – Chef Wides gets real about what foodiness™ has done to wine with special sponsor….we mean guest…Christopher Howell from real wine producer Cain Vineyard and Winery; how we all think that if we’re not drinking wine out of a box that we must be drinking real wine made out of fermented grapes, but that’s like thinking Fox News is realer than Toddlers And Tiaras; how learning what foodiness™ does to wine – adding sulfur dioxide to control the fermenting, pigment to change the coloring, toxic chemicals to kill bacteria, oak flavoring to give it oak flavor, sugar to make it sweet – is enough to make you want to stop drinking it, except for the fact that sobriety is worse; how, since it’s not legal to list ingredients on wine, and the labels put the People’s Paradise to shame when it comes to propaganda, it’s almost impossible to even figure out what is real wine and what isn’t; and how while you’re getting f*ed up on wine at Thanksgiving at least you know it’s f*ed up, which is more than you can say for your alcoholic family.

Episode: 47

Organic Avenue Is The Raw Food 7-11


To eat or not to eat: while there were Armageddon-style runs on food and foodiness in nearby grocery stores and delis in preparation for hurricane Sandy, apparently the specter of real starvation was enough to make the “starvation”-cult run from Chelsea’s Organic Avenue the day before the power went out. …guess when the sh*t was going to actually hit the fan, they wanted to eat food after all.

In tonight’s episode – Organic Avenue Is The Raw Food 7-11 – I get real about raw vegan foodiness; how chains like Organic Avenue promise to make the raw vegan lifestyle as convenient as fast food, but being a raw vegan is supposed to be inconvenient, which is why hardly anybody does it (well, that, and it tastes like sh*t); how being a fast-food raw vegan who needs their lunch to taste like microwavable lasagna is like being a Republican who is a pro-gay, pro-choice, environmentalist; how, with its bright colors, bright lighting and convenience foods, Organic Avenue is the 7-11 of raw food cleanses, only for lazy elites who fetishize starvation, look androgynous, and never want to get laid again; and how to be a real vegan – which is to eat only real food that has no animal product in it – but why do that when lasagna (and getting laid!) are so f*ing good?!

Episode: Reminder—Episode 31

Ignorance Is Bliss…Until You Get Diabetes


Organic produce isn’t really organic. Italian olive oil is neither Italian nor made from olives. Radiation from Fukushima has f*ed up Wild Alaskan salmon. Water is already smart, but not if they frak it up.

Nobody understands better than I do that, when it comes to food, ignorance is bliss. Just one little thing: it’s only blissful until you get diabetes. Then it’s needle time, not to mention becoming the wrong kind of statistic, if you know what I mean.

So in tonight’s refresher course – Ignorance Is Bliss…Until You Get Diabetes – I get real again about the fact that getting real about food is not blissful; how living in a world where you just choose between the red and purple zero-calorie sports drink; the veggie puffs and the protein bar; or the salmon and the tuna feels blissful…until you get cancer, mercury poisoning, heart disease and/or diabetes; how opening up the menu and having to choose between the industrially raised corn-fed steak full of hormones and the industrially raised corn-fed chicken full of hormones can cause food-paralysis and First World eating disorders like Orthorexia (or fear of eating non-healthy foods), when the reality is that people in sub-Saharan Africa aren’t tortured over the fact that the grain of rice that just came off the U.N. plane has a big carbon footprint and is covered in pesticide residue; and how to accept the cold-hard realities of no longer being ignorant, which is to realize that at least you’re thin and can feel superior to people who don’t know any better.

And if you’ve learned anything from listening to Let’s Get Real, it’s that the only thing that tastes better than being thin is feeling superior to people who don’t know any better. Knowing too much about food takes care of both! So tune in!

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