Archive for May, 2013

In tonight’s episode – You Can Buy Frozen Food And Still Be The Right Kind Of People – I get real about the difference between frozen food and frozen foodiness; about how, as real food elitists, we believe that only the wrong king of people shop in the frozen food section, but as long as you’re buying frozen real food you can still be the right kind of people…as long as you don’t linger in that aisle too long; and how you should know the difference between frozen real food (blueberries, green beans, wild salmon) and frozen foodiness (Hot Pockets, Lean Cuisine Salad Editions, diet muffin tops) without me telling you, but you should still tune in any way just to listen to me make fun of people who don’t.
So if you don’t want to eat shit and you do want to buy the right kind of frozen real food and be the right kind of people, tune in!

In tonight’s episode – Trending Now: Cancer Walks Sponsored By Cancer Water, Zero Calorie Snoozberry Flavored Water That Puts You To Sleep And Probably Also Causes Cancer, And M & M Flavored Real Honey – I get real about the latest trends down the Foodiness™ rabbit hole; how already endangered bees are foraging at M & M plants and producing M & M flavored honey, which is like the Foodiness rabbit hole turning into a black hole from which real food cannot escape; how cancer fundraising walks sponsored by artificially flavored and colored bottled water known to cause cancer is like a Foodiness solution to a Foodiness-made problem to a Foodiness solution; and how the newest Foodiness zero-calorie “snoozeberry” flavored “sleep” water is just another example of our belief that Foodiness products will solve all of our problems, as well as cause them, and then solve them; and how maybe if we just exercised, drank water from the tap and had a puff of weed if we needed it we’d sleep just fine and not get cancer…but might just have to raise your own bees after all.

So if you don’t want to eat shit or drink shit or get cancer from shit and you do want your sleep and you don’t want to eat M & M flavored real honey, tune in!

In tonight’s episode – If You’re Still Consuming Diet, Lite, Zero or “Healthy” Anything You Obviously Haven’t Listened To A Word I’ve Said – I get real about diet Foodiness™ products; about how every study in the universe shows that the artificial sweeteners in diet products make us sick, but, more important, fat – after all, when is the last time you saw a thin person drink Coke Zero or pull out a stack of Lean Cuisine’s from their grocery cart?; how, if you want to eat or drink something diet, lite, zero calorie and healthy, drink water or eat a carrot, but for god’s sake if you don’t know this by now what are you listening to this show for? Oh! Of course, to make fun of people who don’t know any better.

So if you don’t want to eat sh*t and you want to make fun of people who do, tune in!!