Archive for 2013

Episode: Reminder—Episode 50

The I’m Too Busy To Do A New Episode Episode


Listen people, I’m not going to lie: I’m too busy to do a new show this week! I have a TedX talk to give this Saturday … in Berkeley … not just about Foodiness™, but taking the real food movement to task for failing to communicate to the 99% non-food elite why they should care about where they food comes from or what’s in it or if it’s even food. Did I mention the talk is in Berkeley??? Let’s just say the pressure is on. But if you ever watched my human-mike speech at Occupy Big Food, you know I’m good when the pressure is on. Did I mention there was no mike? And that I could only speak a few words at a time and then the crowd had to repeat what I said? And that they had never heard of me or Foodiness™? Did I mention it was a huge hit? But this time I have to memorize a 12 minute talk. I don’t even know anyone’s phone number anymore, so let’s just say I’ve got work to do.

But, in light of the fact that I’m going to be reeducating the food elite about how the term Foodiness™ can save us from becoming the waddling potato-people depicted in Wall-E (never mind that it’s already happened), I thought we might revisit your own deprogramming tonight in Welcome to Foodiness Reeducation Camp, Part 1.

In it, I get real about deprograming listeners from the cult of Foodiness™; about how, whether they are the liberal elite who eat strawberry-flavored whole-grain milk and breakfast bars and gummy vitamins, or Tea-Partiers who eat Taco Bell frozen breakfast burritos and plastic chicken Subway sandwiches, they need to be reprogrammed how to eat real food, and to be in the cult of Let’s Get Real; about how reintroducing real food into their lives can be a gateway back into reality by helping the liberal elite face the fact that nobody cares about their updates, and adults shouldn’t need signs to tell them to look up from their phones when they walk through traffic, and helping the Tea Partiers realize that the Bill of Rights was not designed to protect their right to be poisoned by microwavable pizza and that being in a wheelchair because you can’t walk and riding in a motorized scooter because you won’t walk are not the same thing; and, ultimately, how attending Foodiness Reeducation Camp it isn’t just about relearning how to eat real food, but about being the right kind of “us”…  and starting a Facebook campaign to bring Let’s Get Real to Comedy Central.

I’ll be back at some point to do my upcoming show Cereal Is The Devil’s Work…that is, if they don’t put me in real-food jail after my talk, which is probably a chicken coop. But it doesn’t sound half-bad – I like eggs!

Episode: Reminder—Episode 33

It’s Still The Truth: Super Foods Are Super F*ed Up


Ah Spring is here! For the Taco Bell eating “them” it’s always the drive-thru season, but for the real-food eating “us” it’s time for seasonal super foods! After all, we know better: we know to eat seasonal blueberries and seasonal wild salmon, not blu-berry flavored margaritas and fried shrimp-nuggets in a basket. And you feel so smug on the way to the farmer’s market to look for seasonal strawberries and asparagus and peas just knowing that you’re better than Walmartians driving their motorized scooters through the frozen glazed zero-calorie donut aisle.

…only one little thing: Super Foods Are Super F*ed Up.

So tonight I’m going to burst your bubble one more time about what Foodiness™ has done to “super foods”; how icons of power foods like olive oil, which is laced with chlorophyll, blueberries, which are toxic with pesticides, soy which give you man-boobs, and sardines which give you mercury poisoning have been knocked off their pedestals by corruption like John Edwards, Lance Armstrong and John Travolta; how finding out that all the foods that separate the soy and sardine-eating “us” from the 7-Eleven and cupcake eating “them” can actually be really bad for you is enough to make you reach for those Omega-3 enhanced Oreos and hope for the best; and how to realistically deal with the knowledge that sometimes there are no right choices when it comes to eating real food – which is to make others feel inferior for not knowing.

But listen, I’m saying you’re not better than people who don’t know better. Of course you are! You listen to Let’s Get Real: that automatically makes you better. After all, Kate Moss was wrong – the only thing that tastes better than being skinny is being superior. So tune in!

Super foods may be f*ed up, but “they” are even more f*ed up….

Episode: 60

Trending Now: Edible Consumers, Chicken That Makes You Gay, And $18 Artisanal … in Cleveland!


If you can be consumed by a Foodiness ad here, you can be consumed by a Foodiness ad anywhere.

In tonight’s episode – Trending Now: Edible Consumers, Chicken That Makes You Gay, And $18 Artisanal … in Cleveland! – I get real about the latest trends down the Foodiness™ rabbit hole; how edible ads seemed like the lowest form of Foodiness™, but all-encompassing mega-ads that you can’t escape – like the avenue-long ad for Power Water at the Columbus Circle subway concourse – go even lower by consuming consumers; how Tea Partiers who are against chicken that hasn’t been pumped full of hormones are in a real bind now because they now think that the hormones make people gay – but that couldn’t be true because no amount of hormones pumped into chicken could explain Perez Hilton; and how charging $18 dollars for an “artisanal” cocktail in Cleveland really puts the anal in artisanal, because you would have to be a real ass to pay that.

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