In tonight’s episode — You Can’t Have A Proustian Fruit Moment With A Pouch of Squeezy-Fruit Either — I get ever realer about what foodiness™ has done to fruit than I did on last summer’s fruit episode; how, like Michael Douglas playing Liberace or tourists descending on Chelsea, cherry-flavored sports drinks and watermelon-flavored gummies give us simulated fruit experiences without the risk and rewards of the real thing; how, yes, it’s true that if you drink a diet peach-flavored Snapple you know exactly what you’re going to get and if you bite into an actual peach you don’t, but you could have a Proustian peach experience you remember for life, while nobody is making indelible life memories drinking Snapple; and how all you have to do these days to be a risk taker and a rebel is eat an apple instead of an apple-flavored breakfast bar…and if that isn’t enough to make you only eat real fruit, just think of the Instagram possibilities!

In ten years will you remember the perfect diet peach-flavored Snapple or the perfect peach?

So if you don’t want to eat shit or have a safe and meaningless existence, tune in!

In tonight’s episode – Be Into Amway or Est, Not Juicing – I get real about the foodiness lifestyle of juicing; how, if you can’t water or beverage or wine, then you can’t juice – unless you’re trying to win endorsement deals, the Tour de France or pick up men on Grindr; how taking perfectly good produce and using gobs of resources to turn them into juice, leave tons of waste, pour them into toxic plastic bottles, ship them around the country and charge 5 times as much does mean you can shyst; and how, if you’re going to have a ‘lifestyle’ let it be an alternative lifestyle or the gay lifestyle or lifestyles of the rich and famous and leave the juicing to our sports heroes.

So if you don’t want to be shysted and you don’t want to drink shit, tune in!

On one corner of Manhattan. Why have bars or restaurants or food or boutiques or culture or the arts when you can have…juice?