FLOG: The Foodiness Blog!

Episode: 38

You Can’t Have A Proustian Fruit Moment With A Grape Gummy


In tonight’s episode — You Can’t Have A Proustian Fruit Moment With A Grape Gummy — I get real about what foodiness has done to fruit; how, whether it’s poisoned pears and tasteless tangerines or fat-free fruit Go-Gurts and blueberry-colored flavor-dots, you can’t trust fruit (see Napoleon, Larry Craig, Tom Cruise); how we’re so far down the foodiness™ rabbit hole with fruit that children today don’t have a Proustian first-time with fruit anymore, but rather with fruit-flavored Gummy Bears and strawberry colored Swedish Fish; how phony “fruit” facsimiles lead to facsimiles across the board (see Auto-Tune replacing voices, reality shows replacing reality, Tweeting replacing experiences); and how to get real, which is to eat fruit over an oat-bran protein fruit bar and an organic apple over a toxic apple, and to just accept that when it comes to fruit, it’s pretty f*ed…but at least you had an unforgettable childhood first-fruit experience, and can pronounce “Proust.”

Episode: 37

Eat Chicken, Not Fingers


In tonight’s episode – Eat Chicken, Not Fingers – I get real about what foodiness™ has done to chicken; how foodiness™ manufacturing has turned chicken into a flubber-like substance that forms a hydra-head of chicken-esque products like chicken dogs, chicken sausage, chicken patties, chicken nuggets, chicken fingers, chicken bacon and chicken-flavored veggie burgers; how these chicken-esque products are as far removed from the original as “crack is whack” Whitney was from “I wanna dance with somebody” Whitney; how to get real, which is to start buying whole chickens (if you don’t know what it looks like think a silicone breast implant with wings) or at least chickens that have a recognizable part of a bird; and how, if you want to get really real, buy “pastured” chickens, but even a hormone-filled real chicken is better than a “chicken” hydra-head made of flubber.

Episode: Reminder—Episode 21

Food is (still) already smart!


I was coming back from the farmer’s market this weekend with my locally grown, grass fed, $6.00 holistic, Dalai Lama approved pastured egg I was going to poach for breakfast while I churned my butter for the day and I saw you coming out of the grocery store with a bag full of smart chips, smart tofu dogs and smart water while you texted on your smart phone. And I thought, why would a listener of Let’s Get Real be such a chump? And then I realized: you’ve got guests coming over for the 4th and want to show them you’re “smarter” than people who eat potato chips and hot dogs and drink water out of the tap. You obviously slept through the Foodiness Reeducation class on “smart foods” and you’re forcing me to do another rerun!!

So, in tonight’s Foodiness Reeducation Re-do – Food is Already Smart – I get real yet again about “smart” foodiness products; how the use of the word “smart” on everything from chips and protein bars to water and sports drinks gives the impression that they’re better than junk food and have improved on real food; the reality that real food is already smart – tap water already has zero calories and oranges already have Vitamin C – and that “smart” foodiness makes you dumb (and a sucker); the fact that we can blame our gullibility to “smart” foodiness on Sci Fi which gave generations of kids the idea that food would be improved on in the future, when the fact is they’re just feeding us “smart” corn syrup; and how to realistically eat smart food, which is to just eat real food.

Now, go return all those “smart foods”, buy some plain old classic junk food for the 4th, and make your friends who show up with smart chips and smart water feel dumb for not knowing any better! That is, after all, what being smart is all about.

Page 50 of 63« First...102030...4849505152...60...Last »