In tonight’s episode – The End Is Near…What’s for Dinner? – I get real about what we’re going to serve for armageddon; how food manufacturing has removed us so far from the source of food that we understand as much about where our food comes from and how it’s produced as we understand how our cell phone works, how you can rewind the TV, and how Susan Lucci never looks a day over 35; how when the apocalypse comes – brought on by solar flares, a super volcano, nuclear meltdown, Secretary of State Sarah Palin – if we want to survive we had better be prepared; how to prepare – store lots of canned beans, honey, cereal and weed – although apocalyptic survival usually boils down to eating people (see Soylent Green, Logan’s Run); and the perks to the apocalypse, which is that you won’t have to pay your student loans after all and you finally make your goal weight.

In tonight’s episode — Super Foods Are Super F*ed Up — I get real about what foodiness has done to “super foods”; how icons of power foods like olive oil, which is laced with chlorophyll, blueberries, which are toxic with pesticides, soy which give you man-boobs, and sardines which give you mercury poisoning have been knocked off their pedestals by corruption like John Edwards, Lance Armstrong and John Travolta; how finding out that all the foods that separate the soy and sardine-eating “us” from the 7-11 cupcake eating “them” can actually be really bad for you is enough to make you reach for those Omega-3 enhanced Oreos and hope for the best; and how to realistically deal with the knowledge that sometimes there are no right choices when it comes to eating real food — which is to make others feel inferior for not knowing.

In tonight’s episode – Veggie Puffs Are Turning Us Into Vegetables – I get real about what foodiness has done to vegetables; how we’ve been trained to associate the word “vegetable” with chips that have pictures of vegetables on the bags; fruit-flavored, high-fructose “vegetable juice”; loaded potato skins and Terry Schiavo, and have completely forgotten what a real vegetable is; how veggie puffs are turning us all into vegetables – how else do you explain Twitter, Mitt Romney and 50 Shades of Grey; how you don’t have to eat locally grown, organic, seasonal vegetables to get real – a frozen green been grown in Uruguay is always going to be better than a puff that is one step removed from spinach flavored Styrofoam; and how eating just one real vegetable a day can  lead to finding the gateway vegetable that puts you in the wholesome relationship with real vegetables that God intended.