Tonight, on “Let’s Get Real”….It was the perfect storm. The late Victorian era and its obsession with purity of body and soul, (meaning pooping) the exploding of the industrial revolution, and the dawn of “marketing” from America’s food manufacturers. Guess what they all combined to invent? Foodiness Breakfast Mania! This is where it all began, folks, with a rolled out oat flake and a fear of the body and all its messy needs and discharges. So in came Foodiness, to fill the void (so to speak)….and now we have Cereal and “Milk” bars with no actual milk products in them…OMG! Better off eating leftover pizza than an organic poptart is my motto, I learned that from my niece, who commands no definition of what makes a food meal-specific, and will happily eat pad thai or caesar salad for her morning meal.

Tonight, on “Let’s Get Real”….As Gilda Radner said, (as Rhonda Weiss of Rhonda and the Rhondettes)…”Research proves that men prefer thin girls with cancer, than healthy girls with chunky thighs” Hmmm, sounds like a fair deal to me, having been born to a tribe of chubster peasant-types, shaped like Bosc pears. And most cancer is curable now anyway, isn’t it??
I TRIED to live on diet soda, back in the 80’s, but it made me so darn sick, I had to switch to water and real food. So inconvenient…. So, if those are your choices, pack up your cooler and strap on your fanny pack. You’ll need to go far, far down the Foodiness rabbit hole, past the bottom, to a brand new place. A place I’ve never even mentioned before. Its beyond the River Sprite…, past the point of no 5-cent return, The 7-up’th circle of hell, where you’ll find Donald Rumsfeld waiting for you, with a tall, cold glass of poison in hand, sweetened with Splenda with Vitamins, and eternal thinness will finally be yours…Or, you can move to Utah. Listen to the episode to find out why…

Tonight, on “Let’s Get Real”…The staff of life, the breadwinner, our daily bread, my comPANion…bread is deep within us, it’s what made us, and our culture, way back when. Before my ancestors – and I don’t mean Jackie Mason and Dinah Shore – were fleeing from Egypt with those tasteless crackers and no butter for them, bread was being baked, by hand, from 2 ingredients: water and flour. And then, along came…Foodiness! And now, we have sandwich thins and ingredient lists with stuff that sounds like they belong in hair gel. Actually, hair gel might be better for you…Our bread has been candified, squishified, whitened and brightened, and made to taste like cake. If I want cake, I’ll eat cake. Let them eat bread, but only if it’s real bread, which doesn’t have anything in it that sounds like it belongs in a pharmaceutical. Otherwise, better off eating hair products.