FLOG: The Foodiness Blog

Episode: 55

If Your Nutritionist Just Bought A Cadillac Escalade, You Might Want To Consider Switching



Not something Let’s Get Real made up: Down the Foodiness™ rabbit hole, past the Diet Soda Program For Less Diabetes, just to the right of the Zero Calorie Powered Donut Clinic For Diet And Health, you’ll find the The Coca Cola Institute for Health and Wellness giving you “nutrition” advice. That’s why you should always listen to Erica: if it comes in a bottle, don’t drink it…unless it’s booze.

Last week I did a very politically correct and culturally sensitive show called “The You-Know-Who’s Don’t Control the Media, Foodiness™ Does.” And in it I got real with you about how foodiness™ totally dominates the media. Well, it turns out Big Foodiness™ has bought out nutritionists and nutritionist organizations too. And here tonight to get real about it is non Kool-Aid Drinking nutritionist and food journalist Kristin Wartman to talk about her latest piece in Civil Eats about how the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics sold out to Coke, Pepsi and Unilver. So if your nutritionist prescribes diet soda with added vitamins — and you notice they just bought a new Cadillac Escalade – you might want to consider making a change. Or just listen to Let’s Get Real: it’s the only way to ensure that you don’t eat shit.

Episode: 54

The You-Know-Who’s Don’t Control The Media, Foodiness™ Does


In tonight’s episode – The You-Know-Who’s Don’t Control The Media, Foodiness™ Does – I get real about how foodiness™ totally dominates the media; how the premise of every TV segment on food – how to lose weight, how to eat more fish, how to get more vitamins – starts off with the premise that fat-free zero calorie carb free chocolate chip fiber bars, tuna toxic with mercury and gummy vitamins with extra protein are food in the first place; how, if mercury, corn syrup, artificial flavors, artificial colors, estrogen, antibiotics and propylene glycol were called out as not food all these TV shows and TV nutritionists and TV segments would implode like the last scene from Poltergeist; and how that, as soon as Erica and her people (you know who they are) have seized back control of the media like God intended, we’ll be done with all the mishegoss of foodiness™ because the Chosen People don’t want a population of 600 pound potato people driving motorized scooters through Taco Bell drive thrus – those people don’t get the jokes.

Episode: Reminder—Episode 47

Hit and Rerun: Organic Avenue Is The Raw Food 7-11


To eat or not to eat: while there were Armageddon-style runs on food and foodiness in nearby grocery stores and delis in preparation for hurricane Sandy, apparently the specter of real starvation was enough to make the “starvation”-cult run from Chelsea’s Organic Avenue the day before the power went out. …guess when the sh*t was going to actually hit the fan, they wanted to eat food after all.

I know I know, I was off for two weeks over the holidays, did one new show, and here am I am rerunning again. But I have to prepare for an important national talk show appearance tomorrow and didn’t have time to write the new show. What can say? If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that PR is more important than people. …well, more important than the wrong kind of people. And the fact that you listen to Let’s Get Real means you are the right kind of people. And you want me to snatch a network deal, don’t you? Well, momma’s got to go put on her Let’s Get Real song and dance on set tomorrow morning in hopes of attracting a TV deal, which means you don’t get a new show tonight.

But, I can still help you feel good about yourself by throwing the wrong kind of people under the bus again. So in tonight’s hit and rerun — Organic Avenue Is The Raw Food 7-11 — I get real again about raw vegan foodiness™; how chains like Organic Avenue promise to make the raw vegan lifestyle as convenient as fast food, but being a raw vegan is supposed to be inconvenient, which is why hardly anybody does it (well, that, and it tastes like sh*t); how being a fast-food raw vegan who needs their lunch to taste like microwavable lasagna is like being a Republican who is a pro-gay, pro-choice, environmentalist; how, with its bright colors, bright lighting and convenience foods, Organic Avenue is the 7-11 of raw food cleanses, only for lazy elites who fetishize starvation, look androgynous, and never want to get laid again; and how to be a real vegan – which is to eat only real food that has no animal product in it – but why do that when lasagna (and getting laid!) are so f*ing good?!

And here’s an update: Organic Avenue doesn’t look like it’s been doing well lately, which means it could be headed for 8th Avenue’s ever growing scrap heap of fly-by-night businesses. Given that there are only about 15 ATMs on that stretch in Chelsea, yes, it could very well wind up pushing us even further down the bank branch rabbit hole that has become Manhattan. But if it does become an ATM, at least they don’t label the cash “organic”…and you can get money there and go across the street and buy actual food at Foragers. I’m just saying.

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